How Cruel Is The Goddess?

I often get asked how I incarnated as a walk-in. Well, in my perception and understanding incarnation is the same process regardless of the chronological age of the body one is incarnating into. Well, that is a difference, but basically incarnation is like a free fall from the higher dimensions, through all astral realm into the physical form. How we experience this free fall, or this journey through those levels sets the tone, our relationships to ourselves, to the Divinity, to each other, to life for our entire lifetime.

When I came in I came in without any resistance into a body of which the original inhabitant came in in total resistance, in total defiance to incarnation. She resisted what she perceived as separation from Divinity and contracted while moving down through the astral realms. She came in as we would call it kicking and screaming and pouting at God sending her away without coming with her, or holding her hand through that experience. She duplicated the experience of the first separation (as it was perceived anyway) and lived basically a life of pouting and defiance expecting God to come back and take her away from this God-less place called life on planet Earth! In the end she couldn't take the experience of separation she was in and left the body.

Ever since I came in I have been embracing that "inheritance", breathing through it, feeling a little and sometimes totally overwhelmed by the intensity of the contraction and agony that was in the physical/emotional system I walked into, asking for divine intervention to dissolve the whole pile of terror and resistance I have been carrying around. Lately I asked a being I truly trust to walk me through that experience. What happened was surprising, to say the least. This being totally threw me back at me, leaving me physically for longer periods of time while telling me to feel it all, and also telling me that this was not going to change, that this was what it was and I'd better start accepting it. Well, that was not what I was expecting, needless to say. After our short time of "working" on it (what happened, really?) I was back again, on top or rather under my huge mountain of terror, resistance, angst....you name it...Feeling through it, embracing it wasn't cutting it obviously, so I had no idea what to do with it and honestly considered to allow it to be, thinking of way of living with it...I would be living with all those heavy emotions stuck in my body until the end of my days here, without any hope for them moving in any way. Hmmmmm.....

This morning, when I was in my total embrace of what is, something happened: That what was holding it all together revealed to me layer by layer. How this person treated me was exactly how "I" (in Oneness, is there a difference, really?) perceived the Goddess was treating "me". I was being abandoned (interestingly, I always misspell this word! :-)), completely left alone to go through that terrible experience of emotion and physical life which I considered God-less. I realized that I defined God as being pure Love and expansion, Joy and bliss and what I was experiencing, the 4th and 3rd dimensional realities was NOT GOD! How could the Goddess be so cruel and send me here, into this experience and how can the Goddess leave me there and look away? What did I do that was so cosmically bad and wrong to be punished like this? I was pouting and defying all experience in this reality not seeing that the Goddess was in this experience as well, ready to embrace me in fear, in pain, in rage, in the physical body and form! I was looking all the wrong places to find the Divinity, putting the Divine into a box, form and structure, blind to Her infinite forms and formless existence in ALL things created and not created! She was holding her arms open to catch me after the free fall and during the free fall, to embrace me in physicality. I was defying it all, being a 3 year old, saying, if God is not here and is not coming to take me from here, I am not gonna play anymore and go home! Standing in a corner most of the time, pouting, watching all the people getting messy with all the emotional, physical realms! Not caring for anything in this reality! How cruel is the Goddess? Which the previous occupant also did, she was unable to shift her perception and left with a broken heart, which I all took over.

Looking deeper into separation another layer of truth revealed itself to me: Yes, they (who, really?) changed our DNA and yes they changed our brain and everything which slammed us into separation. But was it separation, really? Could any of us in physical bodies even for a moment be separate from the Divinity? It is not even possible, our bodies wouldn't be animated, our hearts would not beat in the yub-yum of the Divine Mother and we would not be able to breathe life. What "they" changed in our systems was shifting our perception, or rather creating a form, a vessel, the possibility of the experience of being separate from the Divinity which was very necessary for us to experience this reality as real, to take it seriously, really. The only thing that was changed was our perception, not taking away anything from us in our Infinite Beingness, but actually adding another possibility of experience of being separate from the Source! Separation was never real! The Divine has been and IS all around us, in physicality, in all emotions, in all fear, in everything we consider bad, wrong and try to get rid of, judge or distance us from! Embracing it all is coming full circle and ending all separation. We don't need to heal separation, we just need to shift our perception of it! All we need is to stop acting like 3 year olds and choose to grow up, shift from expecting unrealistic and untruthful things from God (or from the people around us and from ourselves) which are not our innate truths. And it seems we need to do it by ourselves, nobody is gonna do it for us. So, being thrown back to myself, having doors emotionally slammed at me was the perfect gift I could ever have asked for in the end? :)